ALPHABET CITY, NY—With so many advisable vaccines—MMR, DTaP, IPV, Hib, PCV, RV and so forth—it may be difficult to recollect all their names, not to mention when to present them. That’s, till now. That’s as a result of there’s lastly a common vaccine that can displace all others, and everybody, together with anti-vaxxers, can simply get behind. Referred to as the ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ vaccine, it offers immunity towards each recognized infectious illness, multi function shot.
“It’s 2020,” mentioned lead vaccine developer, Abby Ceez. “It’s fully unacceptable that people have been caught off guard by a viral pandemic with none safety.” Working below “Operation Warp Velocity” requirements, the analysis workforce rapidly developed this all-in-one shot in lower than per week. The FDA accredited it a day later.
“It actually wasn’t that tough,” remarked Dr. Ceez. “All we needed to do was combine the at the moment obtainable vaccines collectively after which develop just a few thousand new ones and blend these in too.”
On high of that, to keep away from any future outbreaks of novel viruses, the scientists even painstakingly developed vaccines for each doable mutation of each recognized pathogen…and made guesses on some unknown ones too. All of those are included within the new shot. “It was a chunk of cake,” mentioned Dr. Ceez.
The ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ injection takes 48 days to be accomplished. Fever as much as 200 levels Fahrenheit is definite to happen and can final for a 12 months or two. Signs of every illness could also be skilled concurrently, although solely briefly (they hope). The makers can’t assure immunity to any or all of the illnesses, particularly any which may begin with X. Consultants warn that the immune system will in all probability overreact and go completely berserk, attacking the whole lot in sight. Research to guage security and efficacy haven’t but been carried out nor are any deliberate.
These tiny inconveniences apart, curiosity within the new vaccine is sky-high. “You imply my child would solely need to get one shot ever?” requested a vaccine-hesitant mom. “Signal us up!”
Consultants consider that the ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ vaccine will assist deliver the Covid-19 pandemic to an finish. However within the off likelihood that it doesn’t, there’s no need to fret. A pharmaceutical firm in Denmark has developed a mixture capsule that incorporates each drug that’s been proposed as a therapeutic for Covid-19, together with however not restricted to hydroxychloroquine, chloroquine, remdesivir, ivermectin, famotidine, vitamin C, lopinavir-ritonavir, bleach, Lysol, Clorox, and a strong gentle.
At press time, though early outcomes have been promising, there have been studies of ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ-vaccinated kids displaying as much as medical doctors’ places of work with an obvious viral syndrome. “How can this be?” requested an incredulous Dr. Ceez. “The vaccine is meant to cease all infections that start with a letter between A and Z.” However after seeing photographs of the affected kids, her cheeks quickly turned as purple as the children’.
“Oh crap,” she muttered, “fifth illness!”